I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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