Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
