Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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