my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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