You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I touched a dick in church today
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
