I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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