So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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