Dual....:-)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
