Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
