Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
