the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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