Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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