it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
