ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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