wanna go halves on a baby?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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