Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize