She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
