So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
