God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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