so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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