Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Such a big mess for such a small penis
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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