I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
