um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I die, sorry about rent.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
