I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All the doctor said was why
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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