I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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