I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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