She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
