Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
