She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
