i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
