I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
