i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
