Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize