oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
