I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
