Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
