Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
