I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
