The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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