can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
