this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
