her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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