I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
