The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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