Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
