well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
