your room smells of hookers.
And success
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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