Please, let me fuck your mom
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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