i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
