You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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