Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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