just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
