I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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