Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
