it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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