I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
