There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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