Jerry, you need to find god
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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