She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize