The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
