ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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