I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
