I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize