he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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