I just saw a hot homeless man
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
