If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
