i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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