I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
