he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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