I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
