Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
