Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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