I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
