Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
