Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
