I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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