I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize