White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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