I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize