she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
