Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
