Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
