apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
