She is in my trunk
Just cropdusted the office
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's the barista slut.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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