Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
